


Only Had 12 Steps To Go

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: 12 step program, Background Tartie, Blaine Anderson & Santana Lopez Friendship, Blaine Anderson & Tina Cohen-Chang Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M, Moving On, Not Artie Friendly Either, Not Klaine Friendly, Past Klaine, Prompt: Nine, Santana Lopez & Sebastian Smythe Friendship, Santana Lopez & Tina Cohen-Chang Friendship, Seblainiversary 2020, Surprisingly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27430081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: This time, Blaine is done. After another breakup, he’s determined to put his life back together and move on from his on/off relationship with Kurt once and for all. Good thing that Tina already has a 12-step-program ready to get him through the process. Throw in Santana and Sebastian, and he might just get more than he bargained for.And just maybe, he’s really okay with that.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 22
Kudos: 125





	Only Had 12 Steps To Go

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Seblainiversary, guys!   
> This is written for the prompt Nine, and yes, I do in fact understand how numbers work.  
> So here’s what you missed on Canon Divergence – just kidding. No Canon Divergence except ignoring the “Five Years After” scenes and re-interpreting a… let’s say minor detail of season 6. Which, again, not a legal expert, but maybe someone knows more and can weigh in.  
> And yes, I’m still going on about that prom thing. Will I stop at some point? Yes. Anytime soon? Uh… nope.

* * *

“This isn’t working. I can’t do this anymore!”

Blaine felt surprise – not about the words, they made sense, and really, he should have seen them coming – but about his own reaction to them. They didn’t trigger that visceral pain, the wish to step back, turn back time, make them unsaid, and stop the mere sentiment of ever being created. None of the wild, primal emotions he’d felt during their last breakup. Instead, he felt numb. There was a hint of an emotion, but he couldn’t quite name it yet.

He stared up at Kurt, felt like he should say something. Maybe somewhere there were the right words that could fix this. He could apologize, take it all back, promise that he hadn’t really considered it, and that he’d do anything to fix them.

But he couldn’t speak, because he knew if he opened his mouth, he’d start crying. The tears were already prickling at his eyes. And as the seconds ticked away, he started to realize he didn’t want to speak. He could tell from that particular pitch in Kurt’s voice that he wouldn’t listen, didn’t want to hear it. Even if Blaine withdrew, told him everything he wanted to hear, it wouldn’t move him. He’d made up his mind. He was done.

And that sparked something else within Blaine. Not that emotion he still couldn’t quite figure out. But anger. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. And if this, him just living his life, was enough for Kurt to discard him this easily, after everything they’d been through, after _dragging_ him back into this… then what was even the point?

“Would you say something?” Kurt asked, as if they were having a discussion and he hadn’t made his decision already.

And that, finally, got him the reaction he was waiting for.

“At least we won’t have to figure out a divorce,” Blaine said, and as he looked at Kurt, who had the audacity to look stricken, he realized what that emotion was.

Relief.

* * *

It had taken them an embarrassing long time after getting married to realize that they had, in fact, not gotten married. It had been about two years ago, when Brittany had decided to surprise Santana with a hand-crafted anniversary gift, a scrapbook with their marriage certificate cut up into several hearts at its center. Santana had been touched, even though she’d mentioned it would be a pain to get a replacement certificate for their papers. After returning to their loft, Blaine had turned to Kurt and kind of sheepishly asked if _they_ had a marriage certificate.

As it turned out, Indiana did require a marriage license in order to get legally married, which of course Santana had known and taken care of for her marriage. Neither Blaine nor Kurt had even known they’d get married that day. And, well, legally, they never had.

Once they’d noticed, Kurt had suggested to just have another wedding in New York, but Blaine had refused. _“Let’s push it back”_ , he’d said. Maybe to their five year anniversary – they could do a vow renewal, invite all their friends, and secretly add the legal marriage to the ceremony. Kurt thought it was a romantic idea, and never bothered to question the real motive. But even back then, Blaine had been sure if they started planning a wedding again, it would only lead to another break up.

Really, that should have told him all he needed to know.

* * *

“I still can’t believe it!” The words were interrupted by sobs, that even the ungodly amount of hot chocolate and different flavors of ice cream couldn’t soothe.

With a sigh, Blaine leaned back into the couch pillows, softly patting Tina’s head leaning against his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, Tay-Tay.”

Like the amazing friend she was, Tina had immediately agreed to letting him crash at her apartment until he got back on his feet. Of course, Kurt had kept the loft, and really, Blaine wasn’t too sad to never see that place again. At least Tina’s apartment had walls. He was surprised how easy Tina could take him in. Her room-mate had left New York recently, but Blaine had thought Artie would move in. When he asked, Tina had quickly changed the topic, so he figured there was a story he should probably leave alone for now.

Apart from opening her doors for him, Tina also had insisted that they had a good old-fashioned post-breakup girls’ night. He had reminded her that he was in fact not a girl, but she said that was just semantics. He needed some comforting!

Or, well, maybe she did.

“And you weren’t even married? It’s like everything I know is a lie!”

“I know,” Blaine said with a sigh.

“You were my favorite couple,” she sobbed.

“There’ll be other couples,” Blaine said. “What about Jesse and Rachel? Or Brittany and Santana, they’re still going strong.”

“I still don’t like Jesse,” Tina said, “and Santana said she’ll cut me if I get too involved in her business. I want _you_ to be in a relationship!”

“I can be in another relationship,” Blaine said, “if you give me some time. I’ll find someone new. This isn’t the end of the world, Tina – just of one relationship.”

“Not _one_ relationship,” she said, “ _the_ relationship! Love has died, Blaine, the love that made all of us believe in love!”

Blaine frowned. “I think you need better role models,” he said.

“How can you be so calm about this?!”

He wasn’t even sure, but before he had to try to answer that, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Blaine said quickly. He wasn’t quite sure why Tina was so invested in this, but a few seconds of a break probably would be a good thing.

Or maybe not. He found himself in front of none other than Santana Lopez. But at least, she held a bottle of tequila in her hand, so he stepped aside to let her in.

“I hear you’re throwing the pity party of the century,” she said. She looked him up and down, frowning. “Hey, you don’t look that messed up.”

“From ice cream and hot chocolate?” Blaine asked.

“From Princess Sparkles dumping you _again_ ,” Santana said, pushing the tequila into his hand. “Anyway, I’ve come to spice up the party.”

So, apparently she had decided to take his side in the break up. Not that he wanted his friends to take sides, but this one didn’t really surprise him. It was only a week ago that she had basically eviscerated Kurt. Her and Brittany had visited them, and announced they wanted a child, and were looking for a sperm donor. Kurt had been… less than diplomatic when declining for the both of them, even though they hadn’t technically been asked. Really, he thought as he followed Santana inside, she probably thought the break up was a reason to celebrate.

Easy for her. Blaine wasn’t quite there yet. The saddest thing was, it had been so obvious. Really, even he had seen it coming this time. They were bound to break over something, no matter if Blaine did or didn’t take that particular role. It had just been a few hours, but already the most prominent feeling was exhaustion.

Santana didn’t seem to share his feelings. With barely a nod towards Tina, she immediately moved to the cupboard and produced shot glasses for the three of them, before scouring the kitchen for salt and limes.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Tina called out.

“I’m ending the moping,” Santana said. “Look, this is relationships 101. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, and nothing helps with that like tequila. So, we’re having shots, and then we’re going dancing, and hey, maybe Prince Eric here can find someone who actually makes him forget about Rainbow Brite for a while if not ever. Trust me on this, I’ve got a game plan.”

“I’m not finding some random hookup,” Blaine protested.

Santana gave him a look full of offense. “Random?” she said. “Nothing about this is random, I’ve been planning for this since Twilight Sparkle threw his fit over Brittany’s New Directions memorial video.”

The point of offense had been a slideshow of “The 10 Hottest New Directions Kisses”, and while not showing any picture of Blaine with Kurt, it had prominently featured his drunken spin-the-bottle kiss with Rachel, coming in third place. It had been almost a year ago, and if anything, Blaine figured he could admire her perseverance, if not her tendency to hold grudges. Really, he mostly hoped he never seriously pissed her off.

“That’s not a healthy way to move on from a relationship!” Tina protested.

“Oh, and what would you know about that?” Santana asked.

“Actually, I know a whole damn lot!” With that, Tina pulled her laptop from underneath the couch, and opened it.

“What’s that?” Blaine asked.

“I was going to bring it up after we’ve gone over the worst of the crying,” Tina said.

Blaine didn’t mention that she’d been the one crying. Instead, he sat down beside her on the couch to look at the website she opened.

He was greeted with too much purple and black, and it took him a few moments until his eyes had gotten used to the glare. Then, finally, he could read the words.

Twelve Steps To Get Over The Love Of Your Life, by MyGothicHeartache

“What’s that?” Santana asked, her voice full of disgust.

“It’s a twelve step program,” Tina said. “It’s supposed to really help with heartbreak. And personally, I think it’s perfect for Blaine.”

“I don’t know,” Blaine said, frowning.

“That sounds so lame,” Santana said.

“At least give it a shot,” Tina said. “Please?”

“Not until we’ve had one,” Santana said, as she poured a generous amount of tequila for the three of them.

Tina sighed and threw up her hands, but she was quick to grab a lime before licking a strip on her hand to pour on some salt. Blaine figured this wasn’t the worst course of action and followed her example.

“To a new life free of the banshee,” Santana said, toasting him.

Blaine quickly downed the shot, biting into the lime to choke down the cough working up his throat. Well, say what you will about Santana, but she did bring the good stuff.

“Okay, now the website,” Tina said.

Blaine nodded, and it might be his imagination, but the colors seemed a lot less garish now, as he started reading.

“Step one, cry it out. Indulge yourself and your closest girls, just dedicate a whole evening to let out all the pain, and soothe it with ice cream, hot chocolate, and your favorite romantic comedy. Careful with the booze though, unless you’re surrounded by people you trust and love.”

“I’m going to throw up right now,” Santana muttered, shuddering with disgust before she started to pour another round.

“So, that’s basically what we’re doing right now,” Blaine said.

Tina looked like she wanted to protest, but then she shrugged. “Fine, make fun of it… That’ll help you heal.”

“No, come on,” Blaine said, “I’ll give it a chance, I promise.”

It seemed to mollify her, so Blaine turned back to the page, made sure not to visibly squint, and kept reading.

Step 2, find a hobby to replace the time spent on your love.

Step 3, reflect on your relationship, the good, the bad, the things that broke you.

Step 4, vocalize your feelings – try karaoke, nothing expresses your emotions as well as song.

Step 5, try meditation, to really find a point of peace to move forward from.

Step 6, get a makeover. Nothing says New You like a New Look.

Step 7, make a career change, and show the world just what you got.

Step 8, let go of your sorrow and dance the night away – parties can be wonderful when you’re not weighed down by pain.

Step 9, get back in the game, and by game we mean the pants of the hottest guy around. It doesn’t have to be serious. But sometimes, you just need a palate cleanser for your love life.

Step 10, walk away. It’s empowering to leave a guy wanting, and you really should take some time to just be by yourself.

Step 11, figure out a new path for yourself, and what you want to do with your life.

Step 12, talk it all out. Now, that you found your own place in life, a post mortem with your lost love can help to clear the air and make this a clean cut. Once you’ve mourned your relationship together, that fresh start will be all the sweeter.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Santana said. “What is this?”

“It’s helpful,” Tina replied. “Those steps definitely helped me get over Mike.”

“Didn’t you propose to him at Santana’s wedding?” Blaine asked. “Like three years after your breakup?”

“Like you’re one to talk, you wanted to propose to Kurt when you weren’t dating,” Tina protested.

“And Kurt and I are of course the perfect example for a healthy relationship,” Blaine said.

Tina gasped. “I’m so sorry,” she said.

“I’m fine,” Blaine said, “but you have to admit, the list has a few… strange points. What’s up with the last one, anyway? I thought the whole point was to move on, why would I want to drag Kurt into it at the very end?”

“It’s in order to get a clean cut,” Tina said. “Trust me, MyGothicHeartache really knows what she’s talking about when it comes to relationships.”

“Oh please, _everyone_ could hide behind that name,” Santana said. “Some middle-aged loser in the middle of nowhere. A love-sick hag. A dumb teenager who thinks she’s the new Oprah. Actual Oprah…”

“Keep making fun of it, but we’re doing this,” Tina said. “Right, Blainey-Days?”

He sighed, but nodded. Apparently, this was going to be a thing. “I guess I’ll think of a new hobby, then.”

Santana groaned. “You’re the lamest. But fine, I’m in.”

“Excuse me?” Tina asked. “Nobody asked you to be in.”

“Actually, it could be fun,” Blaine said. “Something we can do together, kind of?”

Santana might not have been his first choice for an ally, but the tequila definitely had scored.

“I actually have the perfect candidate,” Santana said, winking at him.

“For step nine?” Blaine asked. With Santana, it was the most likely guess.

“We’re not starting with step nine,” Tina protested.

“Lame,” Santana said, “but I was talking about step two. You should take up dancing. Sure, you’re not as untalented as some people, but you definitely can use some training, and it would help with your career.”

“Raoul isn’t a dancing role,” Blaine said.

“And hopefully not the last role you’ll ever get,” Santana said. “I actually have the perfect set-up. Brittany is teaching lessons at a dance studio. I’ve been talking to one of the part-time teachers, there. He’s a student at Columbia, journalism or whatever, but he’s giving lessons. He can totally get you a spot in his class.”

“You really thought about this,” Blaine said, surprised.

“Let’s say I’ve been saving this one for you,” Santana said. “For a rainy day, so to speak. And this is the perfect time. So, are you in?”

There was something in her smirk that told her she probably had some ulterior motive, but really, how bad could that be? And dancing did sound like fun… and it could definitely help distract him from his breakup.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” he said.

“Yes!” Santana threw her fist in the air, making Blaine wonder just what he had agreed to. But then, he was given another shot of tequila, and as it burned down his throat, he figured it was probably worth to risk it.

* * *

The dance studio was definitely larger than he had expected, and maybe Blaine was already starting to regret giving into Santana’s insistence. There was even a notice board, and he looked at it in confusion, trying to figure out where on earth he was supposed to go.

He could feel someone step behind him, just a bit too close to be casual, and he was just about to ask if he was in the way, when the other person spoke.

“Now, I have definitely seen that hair before.”

Blaine turned immediately at the sound of a familiar voice, just stopping himself from gasping when he realized he found himself in front of Sebastian Smythe. It had been years, but he had barely changed. There he was, dressed in comfortable, light training clothes, his hair messed in a way that Blaine couldn’t be quite sure whether it was accidental or on purpose, and his eyes still a sparkling green, as the smile on his face got wider.

“Sebastian! Oh my god… I haven’t seen you in forever! How’ve you been?”

“Can’t complain,” Sebastian said, “what about you? I hear congratulations are in order?”

Blaine frowned. “I’m not sure getting dumped again should be congratulated.”

Sebastian laughed. “Considering who you just got rid of – I’d argue with that. But actually, I’m talking about the rumor going around that someone just got cast into their first Broadway show.”

Blaine blushed, looking down. “How did you hear about that?” he asked, but then immediately answered his own question. “ _Santana.”_

“That’s the one,” Sebastian said. “We’ve been kind of in contact. Secret contact, though I guess the gig’s up now.”

“You’re teaching that class,” Blaine said, finally connecting the dots. So that’s what she’d meant about saving him something for a rainy day. Really, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. Santana had always been observant, had paid special attention during the whole Michael debacle. She might have been the only one to see just how hard that betrayal had hit Blaine, and figure out why. Sebastian had gotten under his skin like nobody else. To introduce him now… it was perfect timing. And of course, it would piss off Kurt to no end if he ever found out.

“Is there any chance you’ll go easy on me?” Blaine asked, as he followed Sebastian to the class. “To be completely honest, I’m a bit out of shape.”

“Now, that I find hard to believe,” Sebastian said. His eyes raked over Blaine’s body, and no, he did not shudder at the implication. “But I’ll see what I can do for you.”

* * *

Blaine hadn’t felt this out of breath in… well, he couldn’t quite remember. Maybe dance class back at NYADA. Still, he didn’t think he’d done too poorly, and there was definitely a feeling of accomplishment. He stayed behind after the class, taking some time to hydrate, but mostly waiting until the rest of the class had filtered out. As expected, it didn’t take too long until Sebastian sauntered over to him.

“So, what do you think?”

“I’m definitely out of shape,” Blaine said, and he couldn’t help laughing. “But that I can work on. And… I had fun. So, definitely a good choice.”

“Good,” Sebastian said, smiling at him. “And don’t worry about your shape. You’ll do fine. And if it’s too much… well, I could probably be persuaded to give you some private lessons.”

“How much would those be?” Blaine asked. And really, it didn’t sound like the worst idea.

Sebastian waved him off. “I’m not taking your money, Anderson. Although…” He took a moment to very deliberately check him out again, before winking. “Feel free to think of whatever else you’re comfortable with.”

It was too cheesy, and probably exactly what Blaine needed right now. Laughing, he shook his head. “How about coffee for a start?”

Sebastian smiled at him – just an open, happy smile. “Sounds great.”

* * *

With the first rehearsals, Blaine didn’t feel quite as bad that it took him a few days until he actually followed through with it. It felt nice, in a familiar way, just to hang out at a coffee shop, and maybe watch Sebastian’s nose crinkle when his request for a shot of Courvoisier was answered with the offer to add caramel syrup instead.

It was a shame that he felt a bit distracted all day. Well, since the night before at least. He really shouldn’t have been surprised that Sebastian picked up on his mood, although maybe at how fast he asked just what had him this stressed anyway.

Blaine sighed, burying his head in his hands. “It’s just… Tina has me go through this twelve steps program to get over a past relationship.”

“Oh, right, Santana told me about that,” Sebastian said. “It sounds lame.”

“It’s not lame,” Blaine said, feeling like he owed it to Tina to defend her against this at least. “Besides, you’re one of the steps. You’re step two, hobbies.”

Sebastian looked at him with definitely a lot of judgment. “You couldn’t at least give me step nine?”

Blaine laughed, but there was that blush on his cheeks again that he couldn’t quite get rid of around Sebastian. “I’m not at step nine yet,” he said, “so, you know… play your cards right, and we’ll see.”

“And that’s how you get me on board with the program,” Sebastian said, winking at him. “So, what step are you on anyway?”

“I just finished step three, reflection. Let’s say it was… weird.” He sighed, thinking back to his outing with Tina the day before. There’d been amazing tea, and more cupcakes than he dared to admit, and mostly they’d been talking. Well, Blaine had been talking, for once laying it all out.

He had always tried not to air any dirty laundry. Since they mostly had the same friends, it felt weird to confiding in any of them about what was going on in their relationship. Well, there was Sam, who was at a safe distance in Ohio, so sharing his concerns with him on skype didn’t feel like it would get back to Kurt in any way.

Tina on the other hand, had so far mostly seen the bright side of his relationship with Kurt, or rather a façade of happiness Blaine had displayed to her. It hadn’t been an active deception. So, he may have put emphasis on the positive aspects and let the bad things fall under the table. But as he had talked to her, there had been so many things coming up that he hadn’t even thought about himself – so many aspects of his relationship, that looking back made him almost feel sick. It wasn’t just the small things, like how the loft had always felt like Kurt’s place, and god forbid he even thought about making changes. Or how they always seemed to default to the things Kurt liked to do, meeting his NYADA friends, watching his favorite tv shows. The more he thought about it, he realized that Kurt didn’t seem to need him in his life. Whether he was there or not, Kurt would continue his path. Blaine could try to go along for the ride, but in the end, the choices were to follow or to leave.

He’d never had the strength to do the latter. He’d molded his life around Kurt’s, even ignoring what he himself wanted or dreamed of. The worst thing about it was that this wasn’t even new. It had always been like this, probably since he left Dalton for McKinley. Sooner, even.

“There was this one moment,” Blaine said, not sure why he was sharing it. “We’d been together a few weeks by that point, and McKinley’s prom was coming up. I wasn’t really comfortable with going to a school dance with another guy, not after…” He stopped, looking up at Sebastian.

Just for a second, he saw the flash of realization, and there was a rush of warmth inside his chest. No need to say more, Sebastian understood just what he was talking about.

“But he wanted it so badly, so I went. It was a bit of a mess in the end, but… And I hadn’t even thought about it, till Tina made me reflect on things. But Kurt had made his own outfit, including a kilt. So, I was really uncomfortable with that. Like, I know it’s not a skirt, but do you really think the bullies would care?”

“It’s asking for trouble,” Sebastian said.

“Exactly. And I thought… I already don’t want to go, why are you making this even harder? But he was so sure, said he was proud of who he was, and basically he said he’s wearing that kilt, he understands if I’m uncomfortable, but if I have a problem with it, he’ll just go on his own.”

“Wait… he makes you go to a school dance after what you’ve been through, paints a bull’s eye on himself, and then tells you if he has to choose between you and the kilt, the kilt wins?”

Blaine nodded. “It was just one moment. But looking back… it kind of wasn’t.” That was what drove him around the most. He could have known, because in the end, it was always the same thing. But no, idiot that he was he’d kept coming back for more, falling for the same tricks, again and again and again.

“Well… I’m not exactly an unbiased source here,” Sebastian said, “but honestly… I think you should focus on the positives.”

Blaine stared at him, almost offended. He could excuse this from Tina, who’d known them together and bought into the whole soulmate thing. But Sebastian was supposed to be on his side exclusively.

"What positives?” he asked, the challenge clear in his voice.

“I mean… look around,” Sebastian said. “You’re rid of Ursula the Sea Witch, you’re living in a place with walls, _we’re_ reconnecting… and, you know, you’re going to be on Broadway. Come on, you have a lot going on for you right now. Reflection is nice and all, but maybe stop wallowing in the past and focus on the future?”

Blaine looked at him in surprise, but then he smiled. Positives in his life… yeah, that he could focus on.

“How’s the show going anyway? The Phantom catching?” Sebastian asked, maybe trying to change the topic.

“I’m afraid I’m not doing much catching,” Blaine said with a shrug, but the smile was still on his face. “Honestly, Raoul is a bit useless. Means well, but what can you do? Then again, all the characters aren’t that bright… Anyway, I’ve been in rehearsals a lot, and the rest of my time is filled with Tina. And, well, now dance class. Let’s just say I’m being kept too busy to wallow in my breakup. By the way, the next step is vocalization.”

“How’s that going to work?”

Blaine grinned at him. “Karaoke, obviously. After all, what better way to express your feelings than in song?”

“There are pretty amazing breakup songs,” Sebastian said. “Have you considered Forget You?”

“It’s supposed to be healthy, not bitter,” Blaine said. “So… do you wanna come?”

Sebastian’s eyes widened just for a moment, as if the invitation surprised him, but it was quickly hidden behind a self-assured smirk. “Thought you’d never ask,” he said.

* * *

Of all the places Tina could have chosen for the vocalization step, it had to be Callbacks.

It would probably be bad enough if it was only a NYADA hangout, or if it was only a spot Kurt often hung out, but to have the memories of their first breakup tied to it made it even worse. Tina had said something about it being a symbolic place that would help him really dive deep down into how he was feeling about the whole thing, but Blaine wasn’t completely convinced.

Santana had given him crap about the whole thing, like this was some backwards way of getting Kurt back, throwing a pity party at one of his usual hangouts. She was in the middle of laying out just how pathetic that was as they approached the bar – and she stopped immediately.

“Oh,” she said. “Wait, _that’s_ what you’re doing?” she asked. “I take it back, this is brilliant.”

Blaine frowned, not sure what she was talking about, but when he looked ahead, he understood. Sebastian was leaning against a pillar, staring at the patrons with some sort of bewilderment, and as if he was trying really hard to bite down on more than one comment.

“What is _he_ doing here?” Tina asked, her mouth open in what looked way too much like outrage.

“We kind of reconnected,” Blaine said. “He’s teaching my dancing class, so we got talking, and I asked him if he wants to tag along. It’s fine, Tina.”

“It’s _Sebastian_ ,” she replied.

“And he’s _fine_ ,” Santana said. “I mean, clearly not my cup of tea, but Frodo here seems to think so.”

Blaine sighed, shaking his head. “He’s here to support me as a friend,” he said, “so can you two please not make this weird?”

At this, Sebastian looked up, and there was definitely some relief at seeing them. Blaine walked closer and greeted him with a hug. Only when he felt Sebastian’s hand at the small of his back did he realize how rarely they’d done this. Only once before, he remembered. Pity, he thought as he reluctantly stepped back. Sebastian wasn’t a half bad hugger.

“So… this is a hipster place, right?” Sebastian asked, casting a look at the people, mostly NYADA students, walking inside.

“Worse,” Blaine said. “It’s a NYADA place.”

Sebastian shuddered, his expression souring as if he was sucking a lime, and Blaine found himself grinning. So fine, he might still have some issues about the school, but it was nice to see them reflected.

“Isn’t that where your ex went?” Sebastian asked, as if he didn’t know already.

“It’s supposed to help with the healing,” Tina said, glaring at Sebastian now that she’d caught up to them. “To work through the relationship at a place that holds meaning to the both of you.”

Meaning of a breakup…

“So, like the perfect place to announce your new independence as a strong proud woman or whatever,” Santana said. “Or maybe just show off some arm candy.”

“Is that why I’m here?” Sebastian asked. The smirk on his face told Blaine that he’d definitely be down with that.

“Let’s see how the night goes,” Blaine said with a shrug. “So what, are we going to stand outside all night, or are we doing this?”

He’d have to lie if Sebastian’s presence didn’t make it a lot easier to walk in. He had been here a few times after that disastrous first stint but had generally avoided it due to the history. He knew that Kurt met his NYADA classmates here sometimes, but had made a point to usually be busy with something else whenever another hangout was coming up. Now, he checked the place quickly. He hoped Kurt wouldn’t be here tonight. It would give this whole thing a sour note – like he was showing up on purpose, trying too hard to seem like he was over their breakup. But so far, he couldn’t see a hint of his ex.

Tina led them to a table, and Santana got them a round of cocktails. For a while, they sat down and just watched other people perform. There was definitely some talent there, although there was more than one performer that made him wince, and probably made the whole trip worth their while for Santana and Sebastian, who seemed to have entered a weird contest in who could give the meaner comments. Strange enough, even Tina seemed to warm up a bit to Sebastian when he was commenting on a girl looking like she came from a catholic boarding school absolutely butchering I Follow Rivers.

“So, as fun as this is,” Tina said after a while, “I think it’s time we remember why we actually came here. Have you been thinking about what you’re going to sing?”

Blaine sighed, shaking his head. “Some things,” he said, “maybe… how about Wrecking Ball?”

“Can you get any sadder?” Santana asked, before Sebastian could give a comment. “Seriously, that’s like one step above Someone Like You.”

“It’s not sad,” Blaine protested. “And I thought it’s supposed to be earnest.”

“Earnest is good,” Tina said, “although maybe this one is a bit too… intense. But don’t worry. I’ve actually thought about this for a while. How about any of these?” She took out her phone, and searched for a list, before she turned it so Blaine could see.

He read through the titles, but it didn’t take too long to find a common theme. Against All Odds… All At Once… Everytime… Nothing Compares 2 U…

“Tina… those really aren’t about moving on,” Blaine said.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not about moving on, it’s about vocalizing your pain,” she said.

“White Flag?” Blaine asked.

“Don’t pretend you wouldn’t sound amazing on it,” Tina said.

“That’s not about moving on, that’s about literally going down with the ship,” Blaine said.

“Can other people give suggestions?” Sebastian asked.

Blaine closed his eyes. “I’m regretting this already.”

“How about a little Justin Bieber to honor your big-lipped bff? I’d say Love Yourself would work nicely,” Sebastian said, ignoring his interjection.

“Oooh, or Send My Love To Your New Lover?” Santana said.

“Gives You Hell is a classic.”

“Or since you love Pink so much, you could always do So What.”

“Then there’s Since You’ve Been Gone,” Sebastian said.

“And of course,” Santana added, “let’s not forget about Bye, Bye, Bye.”

The two of them looked at each other with an amount of respect that Blaine knew should worry him.

“Guys, stop,” he said. “This is not about anger, this is about healing. And honestly, I know what the right song for that is. I’m going with It Must Have Been Love.” And it was a bit of a shame that it had taken him this long to realize – not looking back in anger, but realizing that something had ended.

“That’s actually a perfect choice,” Tina said. “You’ll be amazing.”

“Thanks, Tay-Tay,” Blaine said, smiling at her.

“Boring,” Santana muttered.

“But at least not painful,” Sebastian said. “Good luck, then.”

Blaine nodded, before he walked up to the annoyed looking student twirling her hair that seemed to play the role of MC. There were already two people talking to her, guys he vaguely remembered from his short stint at NYADA. Whatever they wanted, the MC didn’t seem too impressed, and eventually, they turned around.

“Don’t even try,” one of them said, “she’s being such a diva tonight.”

“Don’t I know you?” the other asked.

The first one rolled his eyes. “Don’t bother,” he said. “That’s Kurt Hummel’s ex. You know, the one who was June Dolloway’s favorite for like five seconds before he dropped out of NYADA?”

“Oh.” And that expression turned to disgust immediately. “Right. Seriously, what Kurt ever saw in this guy…”

“I hear he’s started seeing Atticus Myer, you know, he just got cast in Frozen.”

They were already walking past him, but Blaine felt anger rising up. “I got cast in Phantom,” he snapped. Neither of them turned around. He didn’t even know why it bothered him so much. They were NYADA students, and almost all of them were insanely snobbish. Hanging out with NYADA students had been such a chore after he and Kurt had gotten back together – he’d been the drop out, and it had been infuriating. Kurt had tried to tell him they didn’t mean it. Looking back, his ex may have been just a bit too happy to mingle with a crowd that favored him so clearly.

Really, there were enough warning signs leading up to the breakup.

“So,” the MC said, “whatever reasons these two jerks don’t like you for… you’re probably alright in my book. You wanna sing?”

Blaine turned to her, and all thoughts of It Must Have Been Love were forgotten. “I do,” he said, “I’ve really got to get something of my chest.”

His request was arranged fast enough, and a moment later, he took the stage. He caught Sebastian’s eyes, who was watching him carefully with an expression on his face he couldn’t quite read.

“This song goes out to someone who used to be very special to me, and while he isn’t here right now, I hope somewhere he realizes just how much I feel this.”

At their table, Sebastian was frowning, while Santana awkwardly patted his arm. Both frowned, when the music started to play – definitely not It Must Have Been Love – but only Tina seemed to recognize it before he started singing, her mouth dropping open.

“I remember when we broke up the first time…” Blaine started, losing himself in the performance and the music. By the time he arrived at the chorus, he had the attention of the room, by the last chorus, they were singing with him. He could see his friends watching, Tina flabbergasted while Santana and Sebastian seemed very much into it.

He stopped for the last time, smiling as sweetly as he could, while finishing.

“We – are never, ever, ever, ever, getting back together.”

The crowd was cheering, and he bowed once, before jumping off the stage and joining his friends again. Somehow, there was a new round of drinks on the table, and Sebastian greeted him with a wide grin and a short glass filled with amber liquid, clearly distinct from the more colorful cocktails the girls had.

He took a gulp, smiling at the mix of sweet and sour, grounded by the dark taste of whisky, and looked towards the other man.

“What do you think?”

“Perfect choice,” Sebastian said.

There was something warm in Blaine’s chest, and it wasn’t just the burn of the whiskey.

“It’s a bit… bitter, though,” Tina said. “Are you feeling okay?”

He could see Sebastian take a gulp of his own drink, and then softly, inadvertently, lick his lips.

“Honestly?” Blaine said. “I’m feeling pretty great at the moment.”

* * *

“Let your thoughts wander, deep down into your heart, to the spring of your pain and your hope.”

A soft instrumental was playing, just a bit too loud to the point where he had to strain to listen to Tina’s voice, but if he was being completely honest, Blaine wasn’t really paying attention.

Meditation was supposed to get him to focus on the pain of his breakup. But mostly, he was struck by how different this one felt to the ones that had come before. And how sad was it that he even had this kind of comparison? But somehow, it didn’t feel as oppressing as their former breakups had. He was sad, yes, but it didn’t feel like his life was over. He had too many things to focus on. Being cast in one of the most famous Broadway shows for example. Staying on top of his friendships. Dance class.

And then, of course, there was Sebastian.

After his stint at Callbacks, they’d gone to a club. It had been fun, there had been drinks, and music, and they had danced closer than was strictly appropriate for platonic friends. Then again, he and Sebastian had never been quite platonic.

Sure, back then he would have sworn every oath to Kurt that it was innocent. He’d believed it. Or made himself believe it. But there had been a part of him that had enjoyed Sebastian’s flirting, had not only been flattered by it, but also definitely intrigued.

It hadn’t been just that. At McKinley, he’d just been Kurt’s boyfriend, barely his own person. Nobody there was really his friend, not back then. And sure, he’d had the warblers, but he’d abandoned them for his new relationship and a school transfer – how could he really go and tell them how he might have made the wrong choice? Sebastian though, that had been different. He hadn’t known him as Blaine Warbler, and had no affiliation to Kurt or any of the New Directions. He’d had no prior connection. He’d just enjoyed spending time together, had been his friend just because he liked Blaine – not as some Warbler hero, or an accessory-boyfriend, just as Blaine.

And now?

It was almost too convenient, to have Sebastian step back into his life, now that he and Kurt broke up again – for good, this time. At least, Blaine felt like it. Yes, he’d said it before, but back then, he’d been consumed by pain. After Kurt had broken their engagement, Blaine had been furious, had told himself it was hatred, but in the end, it had just been pain, and sadness, and despair. Just like before, his life had still revolved around Kurt – like the sun had turned into a supernova burning him, leaving a black hole behind that still drew him close with inevitable force. Now, he was sad, but it didn’t determine his every move.

And now, Sebastian was back. Not by coincidence, sure – Blaine knew Santana too well for that – but nevertheless, here. Sebastian Smythe, his eternal what-if, now more attainable than ever. It would be so easy to take it a step further. Sebastian surely wouldn’t object.

Then again… Blaine wasn’t sure he could do something purely physical. Sebastian was gorgeous, obviously, and he’d never been able to even fool himself into believing he wasn’t attracted to him. It just wouldn’t be enough. Blaine knew he fell in love too easily. There’d always been something between him and Sebastian, and he could already tell, if they moved past the boundaries they held so far, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from falling.

Was Sebastian interested in a relationship? He’d always talked a big game about partying and hooking up, but even back then, Blaine had figured he was exaggerating. Strangely, Blaine didn’t feel worried about it. Sebastian had shown often enough that he cared more than he’d liked to admit. No, that wasn’t the problem.

Was Blaine ready, though, to start something new? Right after his breakup?

He didn’t know, wasn’t sure how he would know. He just kind of wanted to be…

“So, how do you feel?”

He flinched, then looked up at Tina, sitting cross-legged in front of him, and beaming wide.

“I… Fine,” he said quickly. “Better. Um… really got into it, actually.”

“That’s great,” Tina said, clapping her hands. “I’m telling you, this program is perfect for you.”

He still wasn’t convinced, but… maybe this could help him get closure and move on. Twelve steps, of which he’d already completed five. He could do this, and then he would figure out whatever was going on with Sebastian.

* * *

“Aaaaand, done! Look and kneel before your queen!”

“You didn’t do anything, you were just insulting the stylist,” Tina said, glaring at Santana.

“And let’s not pretend it didn’t make her work faster,” Santana said with a shrug. “Seriously, though – _I_ kind of want to do you right now, it’s _that_ good.”

Blaine shuddered, but finally turned to the mirror.

Somehow, the stylist had transformed his hair, managing to tame his curls without completely flattening them. Of course, he’d tried a few things, but it had slowly faded away with every little comment from Kurt about how classy he looked with some gel in his hair. The stylist had used a few products, and managed to tease out waves, softer curls than the broccoli head he’d come used to. It matched amazingly with the clothes they had picked out together. It wasn’t a complete change to what he was usually wearing, but it was a bit more subdued. It looked like a more mature version of his usual wardrobe. Different, yet still himself.

He looked… good.

“Thank you,” he said to the stylist, who blushed before shrugging her shoulders.

“You’re pretty easy to work on. Ignoring your friends at least,” she said.

“I think this calls for margaritas,” Santana said.

“Well, at least that I can agree with,” Tina said.

On their short walk to the tapas bar, they were in such a relaxed mood, that Blaine felt like he was back in school, on spring break maybe. He was surprised how well Tina and Santana were getting along, even though they kept poking at each other. Really, he could be grateful to have them here, ready to catch him. Maybe this too was a reason he was dealing so much better with this recent break up.

Before he could delve deeper into it, they had arrived, and Santana started scanning the room.

“Ahh, right on time,” she said, leading them to a booth that was already occupied with one person.

Blaine felt a blush rise up in his face when he recognized Sebastian, who turned around at the sound of Santana’s voice – and stopped.

His eyes were fixed on Blaine’s head, then slowly raked down his body, before returning to most likely his hair.

“Damn,” he muttered, as they approached the booth, making room for Blaine to slide in beside him.

“Oh, shut up,” Blaine said, although he couldn’t stop the wide grin on his face as he looked down.

“Why is he here?” Tina asked. “Since when is he part of this?”

“Since step two, pay attention,” Santana said.

“Hey, don’t mind me,” Sebastian said. “I’m here with no ulterior motives. I just want to be a good friend to Blaine. And by that I mean I’m hanging around, waiting for step nine.”

Tina gasped in outrage, but Blaine couldn’t help laughing. He didn’t even know why. It shouldn’t be funny. It might range from cheesy to just a bit tacky. And still, it kind of got to him. But it had always been like that, that he was not so reluctantly charmed even when Sebastian was being forward or obnoxious.

“I guess you better play your cards right then,” he said, winking towards Sebastian.

Tina poked him with her elbow. “Don’t encourage him,” she said. “Besides, we’re only on step six.”

Sebastian looked like he wanted to reply, but Blaine wasn’t interested in continuing this conversation, so he spoke first.

“Personally, I think this one worked out pretty well,” he said. “I think we should drink to that.”

“Now he’s making sense,” Santana said, already waving over their waiter.

As she ordered their margaritas and a surprisingly generous selection of tapas, Blaine found his gaze return to Sebastian. He thought back to his meditation session, how quickly his thoughts had wandered. And way too soon, his mind jumped to what he’d said.

Step nine.

Maybe that wasn’t such a dumb idea.

* * *

Blaine knew, once this was all over, he should take Santana aside and really thank her for the idea to take up dance classes. Not only had it swept Sebastian right back into his life, it also gave him a much needed opportunity to blow off steam. After the latest session, he was insanely exhausted, starving, but also it had helped to work off just a little bit of the mess inside his head.

Too bad he knew it would all come crashing down once he got a moment to think again.

As he walked out of the locker room, he was only half surprised to find Sebastian waiting for him.

“So, what’s up with you?”

Blaine sighed, but he probably should have expected this. Sebastian had always been observant, so it had been ridiculous to think he wouldn’t pick up on his mood.

“It’s nothing,” he said.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Don’t waste my time, Anderson, it’s clearly something.”

Blaine sighed. “Maybe,” he said.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, “I literally have nothing planned for the rest of the night.”

Blaine hesitated. He did want to talk, and talking to Sebastian had always been easy. Really, he was probably only second to Sam in helping him to sort his head out. “I could tell you over dinner,” he said.

“I know just the place,” Sebastian said without missing a beat.

And this was how Blaine found himself at a surprisingly cozy ramen bar. They mostly shared small talk, waiting for their order to arrive. Only once they had the steaming bowls in front of them, Sebastian was looking at him, pointing a chopstick at him.

“So, spill. What’s going on?”

Blaine sighed, buying himself just a bit more time by stirring the noodles with his chopstick. “It’s… that twelve step program,” he said. “I thought it was going pretty well… except, I’m at step seven now.”

“Which one was that again?” Sebastian asked.

“Career,” Blaine said, and he couldn’t help the bitterness seeping into his voice. “Make a career move to find yourself.”

“That’s got to be the dumbest step in the whole thing,” Sebastian said, shaking his head.

“Why would you say that?”

“I mean… just because your relationship doesn’t work, doesn’t mean your job needs changing, too. You’re the best example. Why the hell would you make a career change when you’re just about to have your big break?”

“I mean… let’s not get overexcited,” Blaine said, even though he could feel himself blush. “I don’t know about any big breaks.”

“Oh, please, I’m not into the theater scene and even I know Phantom of the Opera is an insanely big deal,” he said.

“For Christine and the Phantom, sure. It’s not quite the same for Raoul,” Blaine said.

“Don’t be so modest, it’s huge,” Sebastian said.

“It’s why he dumped me.”

He hadn’t exactly meant to say it, but really, he wasn’t that surprised that it burst out eventually. At least now he got the satisfaction of Sebastian looking at him in indignation.

“He dumped you because you got possibly your breakout role?” he asked.

Blaine shook his head, sighing. “It wasn’t as easy,” he said. “There were rumors going around that Phantom was casting new actors. It was still really on the down low, like, you had to know the right people to even hear about it. And Kurt knew the right people.”

“Wait, he wanted Raoul?”

Blaine shook his head. “The rumors weren’t about Raoul. They were about the Phantom. And, well, Kurt’s been obsessed with Music of the Night ever since he first heard it, so he decided to take his shot.”

“Seriously?” Sebastian asked, rolling his eyes. “Did he have like any prominent roles before?”

“He was in A Midsummer Night’s Dream last year, if that counts,” Blaine said. “Anyway, he went to audition. And honestly, I only went with him as emotional support. I thought it would make it easier for him. But when we were at the theater, the casting director only let him into the auditorium. So, I wished him luck, and then I waited. I got bored, eventually, and wandered the theater. That’s when I ran into Sophie – their current Christine. She’d seen me in Little Shop of Horrors, and we started talking. At some point, she asked me if I’d help her rehearse All I Ask Of You. Which… why would I turn her down? One of the producers heard us sing, and he loved our chemistry. He called me a few days later, telling me that their Raoul was leaving soon, too, and if I was interested in the role. So, obviously I agreed. I was really thrilled when I told Kurt… except…”

“Except he wasn’t cast,” Sebastian said. “So… seriously? This is why he dumped you? Because you had success when he didn’t?”

“It wasn’t quite that,” Blaine said. “He went onto this whole spiel how everything is so damn hard for him, like he has to fight for every single piece of recognition, while I just stumble into places and people fall over themselves to give me things. And this was just one more opportunity where he puts in the work to get something he really wants, and I just show up and get it, without even caring about it. Then there was a whole lot about how I don’t appreciate his struggle, and that he just wants a break for once, and somehow he span from there back to how horrible it is to live with me.” He sighed, shaking his head. “That’s when I fought back, said it’s not my fault if he doesn’t get his break, and we just… we got into this whole ugly fight, and then he said he can’t do this anymore.”

Sebastian frowned at him, but then he shrugged. “Still sounds like he was jealous of you,” he said. “I mean… what was he expecting? For you to turn down an opportunity like that? In that case he probably shouldn’t have married someone in the same career path.”

“We weren’t married,” Blaine said.

Sebastian looked surprised for a moment. “It was all over facebook. I remember seeing it, there was a warbler meltdown,” he said.

“You’re definitely exaggerating,” Blaine said.

“They were crying, Blaine. Their hero doesn’t invite them to their wedding? We had to take away all sharp objects in Trent’s reach. And now you’re telling me you weren’t married?”

Blaine groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “It was a mess,” he said, “but basically, we were never _legally_ married. We just thought we were. In the end, it doesn’t matter. This may have been the breaking point, but we were kind of a mess before all this. Really, it’s probably a good thing that it’s over. It’s just the damn twelve step program. And besides, how am I supposed to fulfill that step anyway? Like hell I’m going to walk away from this role, it’s the best opportunity I ever head.”

He noticed the way Sebastian was looking at him. Thoughtful… pondering.

“You know,” he said, “if we assume the program isn’t complete nonsense, which I’m not convinced of yet… maybe it means something.”

“Like what?”

“Maybe that you’re further along than you thought,” Sebastian said, shrugging, as if it was just a random idea, when it was obvious that he put more than a little thought into it.

It resonated with Blaine, somehow. Maybe Sebastian was right. Maybe that was the reason he wasn’t as devastated. And if he was right… what else did that mean? Could it be that moving on wasn’t as hard as he made it out to be?

“You’re doing the thing again,” Sebastian said. “You know… where you’re going down some rabbit hole in your thoughts?”

Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “No, I’m not. I mean… okay, fine, _maybe_.”

“Well, _maybe_ , you’re thinking too much,” Sebastian said. “Look, it’s not rocket science. Stop obsessing over twelve step programs, and just when you’ve moved on the right amount. Just… live.”

“What, while we’re young?” Blaine asked.

Sebastian blinked, and then he grinned, sweeter than he probably intended. Yeah, something like that.”

“I’ll think about it,” Blaine said. “Thank you, Sebastian.”

* * *

When Blaine got a glimpse on just how much Tina had acquired for their pre-gaming, he wasn’t convinced they’d ever even make it to the party she’d scouted out, but he was willing to give things a try. It would definitely be good to get out, go dancing with his friends, and get his head free – although he had to admit that he was mostly preoccupied with rehearsals for the show, and increasingly, Sebastian.

He was sipping one of Tina’s self-made Cosmopolitans, strong on the vodka, and she was appraising her nail polish when the doorbell rang again. He expected to see Santana and Brittany there, but really, he wasn’t that surprised to see Sebastian with them.

“Come in guys!” Blaine said, stepping back to let them in.

The girls made a beeline to the living room, but Sebastian stopped after walking into the apartment, taking the time to very openly letting his eyes roam over Blaine’s form.

“So, step eight?” he asked.

“Party,” Blaine agreed.

“Oh, you’re absolutely looking the part,” Sebastian said.

“Thank Santana,” Blaine said, winking at him as he led him inside to where the girls were already pouring drinks.

“Believe me, I did,” Sebastian said.

When they entered, Tina looked up – exasperated, just for one second, and Blaine started to think that this would be something to talk about soon. He didn’t know where this was going, but he had this feeling, or maybe a hope, that Sebastian would stay around for a while. And as one his best friends he needed her to get on board with it.

But now was not the time for it. Now was the time to sit back, enjoy a few drinks, with music in the background, as he listened to Brittany talking about the show she was dancing in, and could feel Sebastian sitting so close that they were almost touching.

It was nice, almost enough that Blaine wasn’t so sure about wanting to go to the party anyway – still, he was glad he was in the kind of company that wouldn’t just give up on the plans and stay in. Even if they had to go out in the cold again, the club Tina had found for them turned out to be worth it.

They stayed in a group at first, getting a few more drinks before making their way to the dance floor. It didn’t take too long for Brittany and Santana to be dancing and grinding together. Sebastian stayed close, and Blaine allowed himself to give in to the gravity that had always been between them. This time, there was no need to keep a distance between them, as they danced. Sebastian’s arms slipped around him, and Blaine let his head rest on his shoulder as they moved together.

It wasn’t quite innocent. The thought struck him, and he froze just for a second. Maybe he should cool down a bit. The night was still a bit too young to get carried away. He put a bit more space between them, and let his eyes wander. A few feet away, Brittany and Santana were dancing on more space than anybody else in the club had – something between Brittany’s moves and Santana’s menacing aura making people back off. Blaine watched them for a moment, before looking around again, trying to find Tina.

Except she wasn’t there.

“Everything okay, killer?”

Sebastian’s voice was a purr in his ear, he could feel the air brushing over his skin, and for a moment all he wanted was to forget everything, give in, pull him close…

He stepped back. “I think I should check on Tina,” he said.

If Sebastian was disappointed, he hid it pretty well. He nodded, then looked over to the bar.

“I think I’ll get another drink,” he said.

Blaine gave him another smile, before he turned to walk outside. He found Tina after looking for just a few moments. She was sitting on a bench, her phone on her knees, and she was crying.

Blaine sat down beside her and without a word pulled her into a hug. She turned to him immediately, and started sobbing into his shoulder. He didn’t know how long he was sitting there, just letting her cry it out while stroking her hair, holding her close. But eventually, her sobs subsided.

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” he asked.

She pulled back, sighing. “I’m sorry, I just… I know you have your own things to deal with, and it’s honestly so stupid….”

“Hey, no,” Blaine said quickly, “it’s clearly bothering you. I’m your friend, Tina, I want you to be okay.”

Tina sighed. “It’s Artie,” she said. “We… okay, so we’ve been fighting a lot lately. And I know, part of it is my fault. Like, I know I’m not as carefree as I used to be, but… I don’t know, we both got jobs, we’re paying our own bills, and… I don’t know, I just feel like I’m growing up, and he… isn’t. And day by day I watch myself turn into someone I’m not, into this… shrew, who tells him to do the damn dishes, or not to play video games all the time, and maybe not leave his trash lying all over the place when he swears he’s going to put it away in a minute, but he said that three hours ago, and… I look at myself in the mirror, and I think… who is this girl? I never wanted to be this… _nag_ , and somehow that’s who I’m becoming. And it’s like… I can’t even blame him for wanting space. I’d want space from that person I’ve become. But it still hurts, you know? He says I’m too serious, that I don’t let him breath, that I nag him all the time, and maybe we should just spend some time apart.”

“Can I say something?” Blaine asked softly.

She nodded, another sob shaking her body.

“He’s an idiot,” Blaine said. “He can’t push all responsibility on you, expect you to order his life, and then complain that you’re not being fun. The problem here isn’t you, Tina. It’s him. So, if you two are taking some time apart – maybe don’t just sit around waiting if he still wants you. Maybe think about what he’s actually bringing to your life.”

She looked at him from under long eyelashes with tears glistening on them. “What?”

Blaine shrugged. “I know this is hard to hear… especially about someone you have so much history with. But Tina… if you don’t like the person you become with him… then maybe this relationship is just not right for you.”

“Why does that sound like you talk from experience?” Tina asked.

“Because I am,” he said with a shrug. “Walking away from something unhealthy isn’t a bad thing. And hey, if we can put me back together, we can do the same for you. We’ll be there, step one to twelve, and however many you need.”

Tina threw her arms around him and he held her close once more. But this time, she wasn’t crying.

When she pulled back, there was even a smile on her face.

“Do you want to go home? We can put on some chick flicks and eat ice cream, if you want?” he suggested.

She laughed wetly, but shook her head. “That’s sweet. But I think I’d rather go home, and spend some time figuring out what I really want from my life. Besides… it looked like you were having fun.”

Blaine blushed, looking down. “Look, that’s-“

“It’s okay,” she said, even though there was a bit of an effort in her careless tone. “I guess he can’t be that bad, if you like him. Just be careful with him, okay?”

“I will,” Blaine said, relieved to find that her smile was genuine.

Tina hugged him again, before saying her goodbye. As Blaine watched her leave, he started to think about what they’d been talking about. Maybe he should have paid better attention and noticed that she wasn’t happy with Artie. But then again, he’d pretended everything was fine in his own past relationship. They’d definitely had to get back to talking to each other without holding back. But right now, he felt good about it.

And it wasn’t the only thing he felt good about. The more he thought about it, he realized that what he told her was true. Walking away hadn’t been his choice, but either way, it was a good thing.

So what was really holding him back?

With new determination, he went back inside. It didn’t take him too long to find Sebastian sitting at the bar. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to find him already in a conversation with some guy, gorgeous enough to model. But before Blaine could even get in earshot, Sebastian waved the guy off, shaking his head. Model guy seemed annoyed, and Blaine used the opportunity to slide up beside Sebastian.

“Hey, sorry it took so long,” he said, taking a hold of Sebastian’s glass and taking a sip like he had any right to.

Sebastian’s eyes lit up, and Blaine found himself grinning. He threw a look at model guy and his annoyed face, as Sebastian slid an arm around Blaine’s waist, pulling him just a bit closer. With a sigh, Blaine leant against him. It felt right, standing so close together, sharing the same drink, the same air…

“How’s your friend?” Sebastian asked.

“We talked,” Blaine said, “she went home. I think it’s going to be okay.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask further questions. But Blaine wasn’t interested in discussing Tina with him. Maybe a few months down the line, when they’d get along, but not now. Instead, he put Sebastian’s glass to his lips, and downed the remnants of it, the whiskey leaving a burn in his throat, before taking the other man’s hand and leading him to the dance floor.

Sebastian followed without a word of protest, and the next moment his hands were on Blaine’s hips and they started to dance.

He put his arms around Sebastian’s shoulder, and let himself fall into the embrace as they started moving. They were closer than before, barely enough space for the air between them. He let his hand wander into Sebastian’s hair. Their eyes met, and for a moment, the world around them disappeared. Blaine would never know who moved first, but the next thing he knew, they were kissing, open mouthed, their tongues meeting, even as their bodies moved together, more grinding than dancing, and really, he could live in this moment forever. He gasped into Sebastian’s mouth, who moaned in response, a hand wandering to Blaine’s ass to drag him close against his thigh, and…

He broke the kiss, gasping for breath, as he looked up at Sebastian. God, did he look good, sweaty and disheveled, and so damn hungry, Blaine felt a hot surge of want, like he could drop to his knees right there in the middle of the dance floor.

He didn’t, he wouldn’t, but damn, the thought was hot.

There was a flash of worry in Sebastian’s face, as if he was suddenly scared they might not be on the same page. Well, that would not do. Blaine stepped closer again, pressing the softest kiss against the corner of Sebastian’s mouth, before moving to whisper into his ear.

“Let’s get out of here,” he said. “Your place.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, even as the smirk spread over his face. “Is it finally time for step nine?” he asked.

Blaine laughed, and he couldn’t not kiss him again.

“Yes,” he said, once he managed to pull away. “It is.”

* * *

When Blaine woke, it was to the sight of the sunlight filtering through the window, painting Sebastian’s face in white gold. The arm slung over his waist was warm and heavy, a comfortable weight. Sebastian looked peaceful asleep, and somehow happy. The longer Blaine watched, the wider the smile seemed to get, until it burst into a smirk as Sebastian’s eyes blinked open.

“How long have you been awake?” Blaine asked.

“How long have you been watching me sleep?” Sebastian replied.

“Idiot,” Blaine said, and then he leaned closer to kiss the smirk right off Sebastian’s -face. Just because he could.

When he pulled back, he gave himself a few moments, just to watch. Sebastian was beautiful like this – calm, and relaxed, his smile wide and carefree. Everything about him was warmth and comfort.

He could get used to this. And somehow, the thought wasn’t scary at all.

“So,” Sebastian said, “now that we finally got to step nine… what’s next?”

Blaine frowned, showing his best contemplative face. “Well, I think step ten says to walk out of the door and leave you hanging.”

Sebastian almost looked offended, and Blaine could just so manage not to break into a wide grin.

“That step sucks,” Sebastian said eventually.

“Afterwards I’m supposed to draw a roadmap of my future life. And then I have to talk it through with Kurt, so we can have a peaceful goodbye,” Blaine explained.

Sebastian shuddered.

“But then again…” Blaine shrugged, and finally, he allowed himself to grin, and fine, maybe it ended up as more of a smirk. “You know, twelve step programs are such a cliché. I think step nine is a pretty good place to finish. What do you think?”

Sebastian stroked through his hair, his smile completely content. “I think we can make up our own next steps.”

Blaine stared at him, and he could feel a lump in his throat. It was more honest than expected. It might be silly – Blaine had been sure before that Sebastian was interested in seeing just how far they would go together, but it was just different to see it so clearly in his eyes, his smile, his words.

“Sounds perfect,” Blaine whispered, before pulling Sebastian into another kiss.

Nine steps to get to this point…

Yes, Blaine thinks. The program? Totally worth it.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay, come say hi!


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